I’m always kind of hesitant about being happy when things are going smoothly.I will get souped about certain things but it’s been my experience that things just won’t work out how I imagine. But I’m really excited because today I put my deposit down for SMFA and they gave me a pretty good financial package which makes my parents breathe a little easier. I also got a call back from this local jeweler who is based out of Cranston who said she’d love having me as an intern in her studio. She does a lot of jewelry but has most recently been working on illustrations and some digital work which is up my alley. She also said I will have the opportunity of just using her resources and doing my own projects in her studio which is totally awesome. She sounds really laid back and I’m going to meet her this coming Monday for my first day.

I’ve got a job, an internship, an awesome school in Boston to look forward to next fall and it’s all looking good. I’m positive and in a pretty good place right now. 

life update

• I lost the tiniest screw that holds the frame of my glasses together so I’m stuck either wearing contacts or an old pair of glasses that look absolutely ridiculous on me and are to small for my face. 
• my computer charger isn’t working so my computer is dead and I’m using the home computer which is the slowest thing ever #firstworldproblems
• I’ve been ever so slowly moving into my older brothers old room, all I need is a couch, motivation, and carlos to take the rest of his stuff.
• carlos told his guy that he’d write his 20 page paper for a half ounce, and so he gave me some but I haven’t seen it yet because he stealthily put it somewhere in his (my) room.

im using library internet because my room mate took back her modem without telling anyone so my room mates and I were in our house trying to figure out where our internet went and PSYCHE its gone forever because our room mate sucks and doesn’t have an ounce of consideration in her body. 

hermergerd last night I had a surprise visit from my parents

My mom called me and was like lol where are you I’m at your front door.

I was about to hit my bowl

had ash on my table

wine bottles everywhere.

and here I thought living 10 hours aways would prevent any sort of surprise visits 

my friend is smoking and cleaning her room and I wanna be there but instead I’m in the library making Russian charts and bleeding and dying and crying and exploding and sober. 

My professor told me that I had the best work in the class today. That I overcame my craftsmanship issues and used the gouache successfully and I got an A on it and I’m souped. I worked on it until 4AM in the library, which is really funny because I did the exact same thing last semester; I stayed in the library until 3 finishing my drawing final for the same professor and he said it was the best work I’d done all semester (what whaaat). I really need to stop beating myself up; I do it way too often. I’m always insecure about myself socially and artistically, but I’m starting to take a step back and say “OK, I’m actually not that bad. I’m still growing, still developing as an artist.” My classmates this semester actually took my opinions and suggestions seriously and would always want to see what I was doing in my sketchbook or know what I was thinking for projects. I’m not trying to brag or inflate my ego, I just seriously needed a class like this; a class where I fully knew I could succeed and knew what I was doing, what I was capable of and aware of what I could accomplish if I gave myself the time. I’m going to post my final later when I get around to photographing it. But I was just happy my 2 hours of sleep weren’t in vain.

• I hung out with my dealer the other night, and it was fun/weird at the same time. I felt like we were vibing it at the party I met him at Friday night, and I nabbed his number because he mentioned he sold, so I hit him up to see how reliable he was and he delivered dooooope bud. We hung out because we had nothing really better to do, so we sat in my room and he showed me all these bands that he was either in or played with. And it was pretty good until like halfway through the 3rd consecutive bowl where I was like oh shit I’m so high; I’m just gonna nod and smile and say I like everything you play regardless because I can’t handle my brain (though to be honest I really did like some of the bands that he’s played in recently). We talked a bit and then he randomly was like hey look I can put my leg behind my head im so flexible. To which i was like, I’m just happy I can walk with my stupid muscles being all stupid and non functional. Idk. Then we went to the kitchen to grab some water and I was was complaining how cold I was to which he asked if I wanted to go back to my room which was where the crucial decision making came in. I wanted to have a clean break and not have to at some point in the night be like haha yeah talking having a good time…can you leave? Because part of me wanted him to but on the other hand I didn’t? I didn’t trust my inevitably further stoned self to not make the whole thing more awkward than it needed to be. So I made up some excuse about how I had to wake up early the next morning and how I’d probably get to bed within the next two hours and it was totally nerdy but he was like yeah I’m gonna go now and as I was saying all of this I know he probably thinks I’m such a dweeb because he was telling me how all he does is sit around and drink and smoke aaand here I am saying I needed sleep on a Saturday night to get up early and do work. Guatever.
•  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
• also in conversation found out that he has guns/sometimes carries them because “he’s a drug dealer and it just comes with the territory.” SWEET JESUS why do all of the guys that I even kind of remotely pursue carry guns. Contrary to your feeling of safety and security, it kind of irks me and makes me real uncomfortable to be around you. 
• Speaking of gun toting men, Peter WILL NOT STOP TEXTING ME. I think I’ve become his go to drunk textee…like he’s weirdly hung up on me, even though I cancelled our date and don’t ever text him and only invited him to that one party. The other day he texted me when he saw me on campus (like immediately; I saw him and purposefully went the long way to class to avoid that), and then he texted me the sunday night at 4AM to see if I was out and about. UHM NO IM SLEEPING.
• I’m thinking that It’d be awesome to go to Canada this summer and on the way up camp somewhere and kill the road trip camp birds with one stone. 
• I also want to take a class at the steel yard.